Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hate all girls vehemently.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
