Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
