i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
