So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
