i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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