I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
