just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
