Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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