no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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