I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
