Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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