Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
