Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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