Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
