I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
