oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
