You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
