have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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