What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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