In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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