I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
