2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize