My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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