He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
