Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
