he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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