For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
