Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
