so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
