Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
