I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
