he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
