Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
