i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
