Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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