the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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