I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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