its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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