After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
