What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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