He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
where are my eyebrows?
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