I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
