i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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