Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
