I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
