I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will pee on everything he values.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
