Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
