what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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