sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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