Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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