I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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