genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
