Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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