Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
