Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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