Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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