Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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