she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
