Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
