It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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