Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
