That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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