Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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