you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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