I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
