Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
