the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
