I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone shit on the floor
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
