just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize