He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
