I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
