Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
