Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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