and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
